Mark Sanford
Governor Mark Sanford was governor of South Carolina when Dr. Colbert "Better Knew" him for his new segment, Better Know A Governor on January 21, 2008. January 21, 2008 Better Knowing South Carolina flag does not have pictures of slaves on it * did not disagree with Dr. Colbert when he asserted that Protestants are heretics * if he ever found himself on Death Row, his BBQ sauce pick would be "mustard" Out And Proud Of His Exciteless Orientation Mark is incredibly boring. He hopes one day to be compared to a manilla envelope glued to a beige wall. One can assume that his love of solitude is in pursuit of that dream. Good luck, Mark. We hope you can achieve the pinnacle of your blandest dreams. Ties To Terrorists? Governor Sanford has some 'splaining to do. it seems he has a terrorist in his past, and we're not talking one of those swarthy, mustachioed Arabs, no. Nor are we talking about an overweight hairy and sweaty native island woman, we're talking about a hippie It seems the liberal beast tricked Marky-Mark to work against education! America forgives you, Mark. We know you didn't mean to join forces against America. We know you didn't mean to bomb federal buildings or hide those facts from anyone. But, the time is now to admit your mistake. Just think, once you discuss it on TV and clear the air, you can join the Future Born Again Christians Club. Is Official: Mark Sanford is a Secret Mooslim Democrat!!http://wonkette.com/409435/fox-news-scoop-uhhmark-sanford-is-a-democrat Where in The World is Mark Sanford? Since June 18, 2009 Mr. Sanford mysteriously disappeared without a single word to anyone. We suspect that Mr. Sanford was kidnapped by bearrorists and are seeking... According with official sources, Mr. Sanford decided to leave his office to spend more time with his family... Since June 18, Mr. Sanford has decided that he wanted to spend more time with himself. He is at the moment hiking the Appalachian Trail and wont be returning until next week. Liburals have accused Mr. Sanford of neglecting his official duties as a Governor. Hey! Leave the man alone! Mr. Sanford needs to take a long rest after being forced to accept the stimulus package go into State Welfare.http://wonkette.com/409379/mark-sanford-escapes-to-secret-lair-to-cry Update (June 24, 2009): Mark Sanford Returns from Argentina! (Wait, what the hell was he doing in Argentina???) ~ Mutopis Mr. Sanford returned from his trip to Argentina, after sleeping the Father's Day weekend snorting coke off an underage hookers' asses after spending his days doing "Tango" and taking long walks on the beatch.http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2009/06/should_we_believe_him_now.php?ref=fpblg When Mr. Sanford returned from his trip, he was surrounded by a mob of reporters in the airport expecting a response as to why he abandoned the people of South Carolina for a few days. For his response, Mr. Sanford started to sing: ♫♪It won't be easy, you'll think it strange When I try to explain how I feel that I still need your vote after all that I've done♫♪ ♫♪You won't believe me All you will see is a gov you once knew Unemployment rate higher than nine Still no stimulus for you♫♪ ♫♪I had to let it happen, I had to go Legislative sessions making me feel low Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun♫♪ ♫♪So I chose freedom Buenos Aires, prostitutes and blow I never went hiking at all Did you really expect me to♫♪ ♫♪Don't cry for me Carolina The truth is I never left you All through my wild days My sad existence I kept my promise Don't keep your distance♫♪ ♫♪And as for hookers, as for cocaine I just invited them in A few days with them was all I desired♫♪ ♫♪They are illusions They are not the solutions they promised to be The answer was here all the time I love you and hope you vote for me♫♪ ♫♪Don't cry for me Carolina ...♫♪ ♫♪Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is support me in 2012♫♪ Lyrics by aissle External Tubes *Sanford's secret emails